The American Wisdom Series

Presents
Pamphlet #339

America’s Founding Documents: Reinterpreted for the 21st Century
                                By Patrick G. Kocher
                                Posted August 16, 2002
 

                                Excerpt from the Declaration of Independence:

                                ...We hold these dynamic interpretations of relative truths to be evident to properly educated individuals, that all
                                politically correct persons have evolved to a state of equality, that they are endowed by their respective governments
                                with certain tentatively held rights, that among these are life when convenient, liberty to obey their governments, and
                                the pursuit of all forms of self-expression and self-gratification not involving close or thoughtful scrutiny of political or
                                moral issues. - That to regulate these rights, governments are instituted among persons, deriving their powers from
                                their financial and military resources, effective propaganda, and the consent-by-default of the governed, that whenever
                                any Form of Government fails to satisfy these ends, it is the right of the party in power to alter, abolish or ignore it, and
                                to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles, or lack thereof, and organizing its powers in such
                                form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their continued
                                safety, happiness and power...
 

                                The Preamble to the Constitution:

                                We the people of the United States, in order to form a more diverse Union, establish financial, educational and material
                                equality, ensure that nothing interrupts our ball games, provide for the elimination of all potential threats, promote the
                                continuation of bull markets, and secure the fruits of our neighbor’s labor for ourselves and our spoiled kids, do accept
                                and submit to this reinterpreted and evolving Constitution for the United States of America.
 

                                The Bill of Rights:

                                Amendment 1: Congress shall not impeach Judges who make law respecting an establishment of religion, or
                                prohibiting the free exercise thereof; nor make any law abridging the freedom of politically correct speech, or press, or
                                any form of immoral, unpatriotic, or distasteful expression, or the right of minorities to violently assemble, and to
                                demand of the government a reimbursement for their ancestor’s grievances.

                                Amendment 2: A well-regulated group of duck hunters being necessary to the appearance of a free state, the right of
                                some people to keep and bear arms shall not be entirely abolished.

                                Amendment 3: No soldier shall, in time of peace, be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in
                                time of war, national emergency, or civil unrest, but in a manner to be prescribed by Executive Order; but these
                                restrictions shall not apply to government officers, agents, or hired thugs, in the discharge of their orders.

                                Amendment 4: The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable
                                searches and seizures, shall not be construed to obstruct any government officer, agent or hired thug in the discharge
                                of his/her orders, but no warrants, when desired, shall issue, but upon potential for possible cause, supported by oath,
                                affirmation, or anonymous tip, and generally describing the region to be searched, and any persons or things, if any,
                                not subject to detention or seizure.

                                Amendment 5: No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment
                                or indictment of a grand jury, or the classification or representation of such person as evil by the President or Attorney
                                General, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the National Guard, when in actual service in time of
                                war, public danger, or the declaration of a potential threat by the President; but persons may be subject for the same
                                offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb, or be compelled in a criminal case to be a witness against
                                him/herself, or be deprived of life, liberty or property without due process of law, when the public safety shall require it;
                                and the absence of just compensation shall not prevent private property from being appropriated for public use, when
                                such action may be deemed necessary for the public pleasure or political agenda.

                                Amendment 6: In all criminal prosecutions, if the accused is a minority, he/she shall have the right to a speedy and
                                public trial, by a minority jury of the State or district wherein the crime shall have been committed, unless he/she
                                desires to be tried in another district; and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation against him/her; to
                                have the charges dismissed if his/her rights were not read at the time of arrest; to have assistance in obtaining
                                witnesses in his/her favor, and in prosecuting the officer, agent or hired thug which shall have arrested him/her, and to
                                have the best counsel in the nation for his/her defence; in all other cases, the rights of the accused shall be
                                determined by the Judge, unless the accused shall have been classified as evil by the President or Attorney General,
                                or have been charged with any political incorrectness, in which case he/she shall have no rights.

                                Amendment 7: In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed a reasonable amount, the right of
                                trial by jury may be granted, and no fact tried by a jury shall be otherwise re-examined in any court of the United
                                States, unless it shall not agree with the desired verdict.

                                Amendment 8: Excessive bail shall be required, and excessive fines imposed, but cruel and unusual punishments
                                shall not be inflicted in cases of minority or politically correct persons.

                                Amendment 9: The enumeration in the Constitution of certain rights shall not be construed to deny or disparage others
                                retained by the government.

                                Amendment 10: The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States,
                                are reserved to the entity with the most money and power.